Gottman Referral Network

About

We tend to have a dance that plays out between ourselves and our partners – when a marriage gets into trouble it is often more like a choreographed fight. We already know the next step in the dance – can predict what we will say and what our partners will do. We know how s/he might respond with sadness or anger to our words; we know if s/he will withdraw or fight back; we might even have a sense of why we said that thing again that will upset him/her; or why s/he might respond in that angry way. We find ourselves in the fight but usually we didn’t choose to be there. It’s like we are on automatic and we don’t know how to change things. It is painful, devastating to be caught here with the person who is supposed to be our closest ally. Therapy is about changing the dance into something more playful, connected and conscious. We pay attention to the dance and we find different ways to be in the partnership. Thanks to the research of Gottman, we have good information on ways to dance that work well in a marriage. We work towards that by seeking understanding of each person within the couple and the dynamics between partners. We use compassion for mis-steps and we practice different ways for each person to be within the partnership. I travel along with you on this journey with a map, sign posts and guidance. The journey is practical and emotional: first is the planning and preparation phase - we assess the state of the marriage - it takes 4 sessions and an online assessment. We then come back together to discuss what has been discovered and agree our path forward. Then the journey begins. We work with whatever is bothering you and happening in your marriage - you bring the things that feel wrong to your session and we find out what happened and what meaning each of you made of it. The therapy focuses on ways to build constructive conflict, appreciation, friendship, shared goals and meaning into your lives.